I don't know if it was staying up too late last night, having a busy non stop day or or just emotions, but I had a bit of break down last night. Its not my first since moving and definitely not my first since selling our home.
I had a headache just as it was time for bed. Normally (when we had our own home) I would have gotten out my Christmas present from Jason that you warm u in the microwave and put on your head or shoulders or whatever is in pain and it takes the pain away and helps you fall asleep.
These days I don't know where anything is. so thinking about my heat pack and going to get it, I realized I don't know where it is. I remembered where I kept in MY home. I suddenly felt... lonely and like I didn't have a place where I belonged, nothing that defined me. I started missing my old Roles; neighbor, visiting teacher, house keeper, the mom who walked across the street with both kids to take her son to preschool, primary worker, friend to my friends in Hyrum. I started to really miss my visiting teachers and the friendship we had developed. I missed having people (beside family) in my live on a daily basis who sincerely care about me and my family.
I miss mostly my friendships that I made in Hyrum and that makes me feel lonely. I had such a sense of belonging and purpose in Hyrum in the community as well as at church.
I had my little break down, then decided I needed to get to bed, by now it was like 1 am. so I tried to calm myself down, and as soon as I decided to say a prayer, I was calmed down almost instantly. Times like this I am so glad to have my Heavenly Father to give me the strength to get through hard times.
I know my hard times are not THAT HARD but I was caught in a moment of weakness.
I still love living here. everything is still going really well (as far as I can tell) No one has told me what is driving them nuts about us living here. I am sure they just figure it is only for like five or six more weeks they can handle it till then.
5 comments:
it so funny to read your post because that is exactly how i'm feeling today. not the not having a home part, but missing friends, etc. Everyday seems like i'm just walking through the motions, doing my responsibilities. I'm locked away, no one notices me. I haven't had friends in almost 4 years. No joke, since we got married and i moved away, i haven't had a single friend (except my husband of course). people in our ward aren't the most friendly and the only people that really talk to me are the other people in the primary pres. that i work with. But you are totally right, it is a HUGE comfort and blessing to have Heavenly Father on days like this : )
aww girly! Hang in! I'm sorry you had a rough day. I hope it gets better for you!!
Oh man, this post broke my heart. I hope your having a better day. I can totally see myself breaking down over this same thing. But hang in there - you only doing whats best for your family... and like you said its only for a few more weeks. Just pretend like your on Vacation :) he he. Hope your all doing good.
Awh, your so sweet! I miss you too lots. You have to remember the big picture. When Jason is done you will be so happy! You can come to Hyrum anytime! Hang in there sweetie!
Love ya!
Hope you are feeling better!
Come visit as much as you can. I miss not having you at work with me this summer and have to be with the grumpy men at night by myself. You'll do good!
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